Why My Married Girlfriends Defriended Me
A recently divorced woman was asking me why have her married girlfriends have opted out of including her on their occasional get-togethers. She was asking it from the point of ‘What is wrong with me?’
This woman was puzzled and upset since she feels that she hasn’t done or said anything inappropriate that would trigger them ‘cutting her off’. They hurt her already fragile emotional state.
Is this happening to you?
It is not uncommon experience and let me explain why.
Most people if in an unhappy marriage will not be wearing it on their sleeve for all to see. This means they put the mask on that life is grand. It’s not that they don’t complain time to time about a certain incident in their marriage; it’s that overall you would look at them and think they have a happy marriage.
Then when one of the people in this circle of friends gets divorced; it sends an emotional shockwave through the group. Those who feel it the most will be those who are in marriages that they struggle or are woman who are struggling with ‘who they are’.
Your divorce is having them look at their marriage and say ‘If They were Unhappy, Maybe We are Unhappy Too‘. They may look at your situation as a threat to their marriage. What happens is that they may not want to deal with whatever is going on in their marriage. So what they unconsciously do it push away the threat; which is you. It’s like avoiding that person who has a severe cold; because you don’t want to get sick yourself.
Divorce is a time of transition; a client of mine refers to it as pruning. You’ll have girlfriends that will drop off the radar scope; but you’ll also have girlfriends whose friendship stands the test of time. You’ll find that these women are comfortable in their own skin and if married, chances are it is a marriage filled with love, laughter and good communication. Their marriage is built on a firm foundation and your divorce is no threat to them; they give it no second thought.
This is also a time where you will form new friendships. You’ll find yourself befriending other women who are in similar situations as you. You have a common bond of being a divorced woman, perhaps even a divorced parent.
Embrace this as a part of the rebirth of your new life. As I was making new friendships; it was so validating of me as a newly divorced woman to know that other people wanted me to be their friend based on who I am. I didn’t need to wear my mask anymore. I could stand on my own and be welcomed into the lives of others. Now that’s Freedom!