No More Stinging Comments – How Not to Bite Back
Grand Dude and I ran the 10 mile Soldier Field race in downtown Chicago over Memorial Day weekend. As with any race, there is excitement in the air as you are your closest 15,000 friends are getting ready.
Running is one of many commonalities that brought Grand Dude and I together. I never ran in a race until I met him and we’ve been steadily entering longer races. People ask if we run together; I tell them yes for about the first 30 feet of a race and then he’s off!
That day was no different. As we get closer to the start line, we give each other a kiss just as the start gun sounds our start. Just when the crowds thin out a bit so he can start zooming ahead, he puts his hand back so I can give him a five. How I love this man!
It was within my first mile that I heard a man’s voice behind me say to his partner, “Feel free to run ahead, don’t feel like you need to hold back because of me”. I didn’t turn around but just said “You are such a gentleman for saying that”.
He said to me “Oh, I wasn’t talking to you … I was talking to my buddy”. I then heard in a rather nasty voice “I am not your buddy, I am your wife!”
I was immediately taken back to the stinging comments my Ex would say to me during our marriage. Today, I often hear about it when working with divorced women. One of the parties will make a comment and because it wasn’t worded to the liking of the other person the zinger comes back. That two sentence exchange can put a damper on one or both parties for a period of time or even all day.
I liken it to a rattlesnake. You have to watch your footing or you could get bit by the fangs that seemingly come from nowhere. That is not a happy relationship.
So what do you do?
If you are the party delivering the zingers, you stop it. It really is that simple. Usually people who send out the zingers are usually saying them from a place a fear. They use it as a defense mechanism to keep people away or to boost their EGO.
If you are the one on the receiving end of the zinger, you may just need to apologize for choosing an inappropriate word or phrase. If you find that you are constantly on the receiving end. You need to consider addressing the situation directly.
The couple that had the exchange ran ahead of me; never did see if they parted ways on the trail.
The race had the runners running away from the Stadium for 5 miles on Lake Michigan. We made the turn and ran back towards the Stadium. The turn greets you with a breathtaking view of the Chicago skyline.
As I was getting closer to the stadium, I could hear the announcer telling us we are blessed to be running in a free country. My thoughts went to my grandfather who served in World War II and my nephew who serves in the Navy today. As I entered the stadium, I was nearly in tears as I ran across the 50 yard line. I truly am grateful to be in a free country.
Debbi Dickinson, is a Divorce Expert, Consultant and the founder of Stepping Into Joy. Using her own life as living proof that extraordinary choices lead to extraordinary living; she helps other women to do the same. As a divorced mother, she empowers divorcees to move beyond their divorce and begin creating an extraordinary life for themselves. Get updates in your inbox and sign up for our Newsletter.
She can also be followed on Twitter @debbidickinson
Tags: divorce, divorced, keeping peace, moving on, peace
Leave A Reply (2 comments so far)
StrongerMe
343 days ago
I can still hear them (and sometimes because he’s standing in front of me saying them). They are like negative tapes that play over and over in my head. He doesn’t even have to be around. Sometimes I still play them by myself.
Debbi
341 days ago
Best not to play the tapes. What I use to do when I found that happening is visualize a tape recorder and hit the red stop button. Remove the tape and throw it out. Overtime, you’ll find the tape remains in the trash.
Debbi