Life Is Meant To Be Lived, Not Endured
People get stuck in ruts and they stop growing personally on emotional, mental and/or spiritual basis. I see that frequently when working with divorced women and they comment that they I should have divorced sooner, the signs were there.
Humans have a tendency to stay with what is comfortable versus moving outside their comfort zone. Even if current marriage situation is miserable; we elect to stay in what we know versus what we don’t.
We will come up with all sorts of excuses of why we don’t take the leap into the moving on. Staying together for the children’s sake is probably top on the list, followed by financial insecurity or tying it to an event. I will wait until Johnny graduates from college; after Mary’s wedding, when I get that big promotion, etc.
Face it, these are excuses based in fear. Fear paralyzes us into doing nothing.
So, what does it take to move us?
For me it was emotional pain, I just couldn’t endure living with the control issues and loveless marriage. I finally decided to do the leap of faith that I would be much better off as a divorced, single parent than a miserable married spouse.
For me, faith came when I began working with other women who had successfully walked the divorced path before me. They gave me hope that I too could have an incredible life just as they did if I followed their guidance.
When I finally made the decision that I wanted to live my life and not endured it any longer came peace because I knew I was making the right decision for myself and my daughter. Divorce gave me the gift of a wonderful journey of self-awareness and self-discovery that continues to this day.
What I know today is that I don’t want to be stuck in that rut again. Today, I continuously challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone. When I do, it is a growing fulfilling experience. I have done some amazing things in my life, and also fell madly in love with Grand Dude.
My journey has enabled me to pass on what I have learned to other women to pull them from despair into joy. I want divorced women to live the life they were intended to live; not enduring the life that they have. I would hope by the example of my living that others see the hope that there life can be better and take the leap of faith.
Tags: Comfort Zone, fear, live, self -discovery
Leave A Reply (8 comments so far)
WhyNewsIsAimedAtYourEm
62 days ago
You have observed very interesting details! nice internet site.
Diane
359 days ago
Hi Karen, my name is Diane… I read your story, and so feel for you.. I also have 4 Kids, but fortunately, their all grown now… I just went back and read, what you had written, ” I asked for a seperation, to heal our relationship ” So it would only lead me to think, you wanted to work things out.. Maybe, what you did by asking for a seperation, was the best thing you could ever have done.. He’s gone, and it appears he wants it that way.. Let him go.. I can only pray for you, and your Children, to have the best possible life, as time passes.. I don’t know how long your Husband has been gone, but don’t ever let him back into your Life again.. He sounds like a real winner, to me!! Not that he shouldn’t have time with the Children, he should.. But if I were you, I wouldn’t share another thing with this man.. He really has hurt you this time around.. I like what Debbie said, ” Happiness, is a choice” I so hope you take her advice.. It sounds, so good to me.. I’ve been married for 35 Yrs.. Every day that passes, I so want to leave. But I think, it’s probably to late for me.. Keep your Spirits high, and good luck to your future… Diane…
Debbi
359 days ago
Diane -
Never to late to start being Happy.
Debbi
Karen
360 days ago
I embraced the “Christian” theory of being a mother, wife and self sacrificing neighbor, daughter, sister and friend…and tumbled into ‘false-face land’! And stuck or frozen is an excellent description of where I have been, and am in my life, right now.
After I asked for a separation to try and heal our broken relationship without living together, he took off living his new life, without even looking back at our 25 year marriage, family or relationships! He was too busy to visit with our four kids and I took on the role of mother and father. That doesn’t work, and I went from having the conflict ridden responsibility of our four kids…while he traveled, worked and screwed around to our separated life, where I took 100% responsibility for all four kids…and he traveled, worked on his career and has dated beautiful younger women, traveled and expanded his workout schedule. How do I embrace my singleness and abandon the kids? Why does he have the financial ability to maintain his lifestyle while I am caving under the weight of medical bills, tutoring, clothes and food for four kids? When does my play time begin?? I know that no one is responsible for my happiness, but me. Didn’t ever guess that he would run out on the kids too….
I need to focus on my career and it is hard. I know that once the divorce IS finalized, then, will I feel ready to move on. Despite my Christian values which may seem rigid, I am happy that I stayed true to my vows that I made before God, and know that down the road, my decisions will help steer my kids towards good values and morals. I hope.
Debbi
360 days ago
Karen – I can feel your pain. But know that happiness is a choice. Your time to play begins when you want too. If that is today, then that is your choice. If you choose to not be happy until 5 years from now … that is your choice as well. Happiness is not the things or people you have around you. Happiness is your state of mind around things or people or circumstances. Debbi