I divorced nearly ten years ago and my daughter was four at the time. As the divorce proceedings were just starting, I had one dream. My dream was that my Ex and I could maintain an amicable relationship after the divorce for the sake of our daughter.
Like any dream it takes focus, it takes action and it takes time.
During the divorce, with both of us living under the same roof, it was difficult. We were both experts at pushing each other’s hot buttons, but we both agreed to work to be amicable. There were still things I did that pissed him off and things he did to piss me off. We didn’t trust each other, we were tired of being under the same roof and it was an atmosphere of cool guarded conversations that settled in the house.
It was the perfect climate to have one incident turn our resolve for amicability into life-long resentments. Each morning I would focus on my dream of having an amicable relationship and resolve to just have an attitude of business when dealing with him. And it worked.
Eventually our divorce was finalized, but that didn’t end the work on my dream. It is something I need to continuously work on as our daughter matures. There is a fine line between being amicable and being a door mat; I have walked the line very nicely over the years, including the year I had to take him back to court. I had the confidence in knowing I could take our disagreement in front of a judge AND maintain an amicable relationship.
I learned that I needed to treat him the way I wanted to be treated. Fairly, respectfully and have consideration for the other … especially when it comes to juggling all of our calendars for visitations and vacations.
Today I was sitting next to my Ex with his girlfriend just on his other side. We were there together to watch my daughter’s performance in a puppet team that she is a part of. It occurred to me that today would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary if we were still married.
I smiled and said a quick Thank You to the Big Guy for what I have today. As our daughter came on stage she caught site of the three of us sitting together and the biggest smile spread across her face.
This is the way it should be. We are family and will always be family. My dream continues to unfold and I am blessed.